Home > Social Issues, The Body Politic > Job Hunting, Bennett-style

Job Hunting, Bennett-style



As unemployment continues in a decidely upward direction…




The response from National was swift and decisive…

John Key:

I’m very surprised with the numbers I’ve seen this morning, goodness knows what the next one will look like.

See: Key ‘surprised’ by high unemployment rate

Ain’t it a bugger when a Prime Minister is “surprised” with rising unemployment numbers. “Goodness knows”, it’s only been trending upward since the beginning of the year…

Bill English:

What we have found through this recovery is that it has been a bit hard to predict and we’ve seen these sort of numbers jump around, they can be up one quarter and down another quarter.

See: Jobless figures result of ‘grumpy’ recovery – English

Jumping numbers“?! Has Little Leader  been dropping a bit of bad acid lately?! What next; dancing flowers? Cartwheeling pigeons?

Get those “jumping numbers” under control, Mr English! They’re having waaaay too much fun!

But considering the thousands who’ve been made redundant this year alone…

… how is it “hard to predict”?

But perhaps the top prize for Denial, Deflection, and Downright Dumbness has to go to the Minister for Social Welfare, ex-DPB recipient and expert at using taxpayer funds for her own benefit…

Paula Bennett:




Bennett responded with this very helpful advice,

The Warehouse Group has 300 full-time and part-time jobs, across three stores, available between October and January. Brightwater Engineers Ltd is looking for 40 staff at the moment. Mitre 10 is opening a store in Rotorua, and it wants 50 permanent-

See: Parliament – Questions for oral answer

Excellent! 430 jobs!

So that leaves 174, 570 out of 175,000 unemployed!

Oh wait, no. The Warehouse is seeking 430 only between October and January.  After that, those 430 go back on the dole…


Bennett sympathises with the unemployed though, as she stated in Parliament, with great wailing and gnashing of teeth,

It’s tough out there but there are jobs… people need to be actively looking to be able to take up the opportunities, it’s as simple as that.

Yeah, ya losers. Everyone knows there are 175,000 jobs out there. Employers simply aren’t advertising them ‘cos they take a peculiar pleasure in  keeping such things secret. But if you make a wish  to the Magic Jobs Fairy (as well as the Magic Lotto Pixies), your dreams will come true.


“Yes, Paula, here are the 175,000 jobs you wished for last night! Would you like me to do something about those nasty  poll ratings as well?”


Good onya, Tinkerbell!

By the way, lose the red dress, sweetie – Dear Leader might think it looks a bit, y’know… gay?



= fs =

  1. John B
    13 November 2012 at 10:02 pm

    what the fuck ,how did this clown ever get in office and as for all the idiots that voted for him or labour what a joke

  2. Taura
    13 November 2012 at 10:07 pm

    Typical. A rise in jobs to see companies through the xmas rush is their good work. High unemployment isnt their fault, just grumpy numbers. I havent been abused by a number in all my days. So does this mean when all this temporary work dies a in February the numbers had their bloody periods and were hormonal? Glad these clowns arent gynaecologists. They might think a foetus was a terrorist.

    • 13 November 2012 at 10:17 pm

      John, Taura…

      It seems as the situation gets crazier, so do National politicians…

  3. 13 November 2012 at 10:47 pm

    Loved it Frank and Tink used to be a nickname of mine when I was Blonde. I know what I would wish Paula with my wand and it rhymes with red dress… Will get back to you with the consultant who went home after relocation costs, big salary & with big payoff after 11months & huge F reminder.. for A imported consultants on a good crack piece maybe?

  4. Charles
    14 November 2012 at 4:37 am

    I don’t know what all you bluggers are complaining about. I applied for 175,000 jobs last week and got all of them.

  5. Ali
    14 November 2012 at 9:18 am

    Bill English refers to “this recovery” ahahahahahahahaha….now I know for sure I’m living in an Orwellian world! FFS things havent hit the bottom yet but they’re sure trending that way. It must be nice living on planet key.

  6. 14 November 2012 at 11:59 am

    Employers simply aren’t advertising them ‘cos they take a peculiar pleasure in keeping such things secret.

    Well, according to the figures I’ve seen from WINZ approximately 70% of jobs are filled through social networking. You know, the business decides that they want to employ some more people and so the managers ask the people already employed with them if they know anyone suitable and they ask their friends (actually, they probably ask their friends first). What WINZ don’t seem to understand is that it’s a one way communication path which is why they keep telling people to cold call businesses and ask for a job. This latter option, especially when the economy is collapsing*, actually just pisses the managers at the business off as they’ve got more important things to do than be nice to the unemployed who keep ringing to see if there was a job going which there isn’t because otherwise it’d be advertised.

    * Please note: Cold calling can actually work in times of low unemployment if you get the right person at the right business at the right time.

  1. 14 November 2012 at 1:59 pm
  2. 5 December 2012 at 3:04 pm
  3. 14 July 2013 at 11:03 pm
  4. 17 June 2016 at 8:01 am

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